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It’s all about respect

May 10th, 2021

At the recent Points West Living - Connecting Care Spring Conference, participants enjoyed a panel discussion on Ageism. Each of the three panel guests has chosen to live in an Independent Living retirement community, and spoke of experiences that have come along with that move.

Panel participants

The panel was moderated by Heather Sander (lower right in photo above), general manager of Points West Living Prince Albert. She chose the three panel members (none are from Points West Living Communities), based on their engagement in their communities: Donna Cowan (lower left in photo above), a long time resident and former mayor of Stony Plain; Carl Simonson, newly retired to Stony Plain; and Lois Feris now of Red Deer.

Want to be perceived as an asset

The panelists’ experience of ageism seems to be based on general societal attitudes rather than overt discrimination. “People talk about large numbers of people getting older and being a burden on society,” says Lois, who at age 91 still works as a ‘managing change’ consultant. “We’re often perceived as a deficit, and I would like to see us perceived as an asset.”

“They’re so concerned about people doing things for us that there’s nobody enabling us to contribute in the many ways we could still be contributing members of society,” adds Lois. She says everyone has their own personal ‘joy list’ that people working with elders would do well to tap. “My greatest joy is to contribute.”

Brushed aside a little bit

All three panelists smiled in recognition when Donna shared, “You’re very independent and used to planning your own day, or, if something is broken you call the handyman and get it fixed. When you move into a facility, things don’t move the way they would in your own home and it can be very frustrating. Sometimes you wonder if you’re being brushed aside a little bit, and told to be patient.”

That sense of being brushed aside and told to wait for help is frustrating for any active independent person, but for these seniors it goes further. They talked of a sense of being left out of decision-making that may deeply affect their lives.

Want to be heard

“They want to contribute by helping give ideas,” says Heather, reflecting on the discussion. “Lois’s joy list is a great illustration. We need to find out people’s passion, not assume that people want bingo, bridge and crib. Residents want to be asked questions. They want people to ask for their feedback and input, and to receive feedback in return. They don’t care if they get a ‘No,’ they want to be heard even if it doesn’t go their way at the end of the day.”

As Carl summed it up at the end of the panel discussion, “If you treat everyone with respect regardless of their age, you cannot fail.”

Photo: (Clockwise from lower left) Donna Cowan, Carl Simonson, Lois Feris, and Heather Sander (moderator) contribute to a panel discussion about ageism at the recent PWL-CC Spring Conference.

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